distcc wouldn't work because it uses the same -j switch that regular make does.
After going over what I know about the FreebSD ports systems, I know why it doesn't work now. FreeBSD uses 'make' to do every step of port installation.
When you are in a ports directory there are four main steps in installing a port. I might be leaving steps out here, but this is the jist of it...
1) make fetch
2) make configure
3) make build
4) make install
If you type 'make install', it actually implies, `make fetch configure build install'
If you say 'make install -j2', then make will try to do the first two jobs at the same time - fetch and configure. Ooops! That can't work because you have to fetch what you are configuring first.
Hopefully port makers can override the -j setting in their ports or the FreeBSD dev team can fix the ports system to override the -j switch until the compilation actually starts.