Ok, whatever, hopefully there will be more people like you than me.
So, if you don't want to learn how Linux works (and perhaps some shell script that will simplify your life by a whole lot), have good hardware, and/or want a distro that looks and acts a lot like Window$ (except stability and security is much improved), then Ubuntu is for you.
If you want to learn how Linux works (and don't want to spend hours and hours compiling stuff from scratch), have shitty or buggy hardware, and/or want a distro that looks nothing like Window$, is fast, responsive, ultra stable, yet still easy to use, and you don't care too much for dependency checking, then Slackware is for you.