Lolz at spam

[yourlife]

Ok, just got this spam message, how sad.

FROM: [email protected]
To Nathan Price
=censored=
Guildford, SURREY =censorded=

Nathan,

Are you still at =censored=?
You may be eligible to receive upto 86,592 GBP in government money that you would NEVER HAVE TO REPAY.

Complete your application at ukgrants.eu
Firstly, Federal Goverment? lolz, wrong country
Second

used your software at the library and I actually got a check to help us out.

Wrong spelling

[Refalm]

At least they knew that England uses £. Usually spammers aren't that smart. But that's okay, because people who fall for e-mail spam aren't that smart neither.

Anyway, here's a classic, ALL CAPS TO MAKE IT LOOK REALLY IMPORTANT AND OFFICIAL:

REQUEST FOR URGENT BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP

FIRST, I MUST SOLICIT YOUR STRICTEST CONFIDENCE IN THIS TRANSACTION. THIS IS BY VIRTUE OF ITS NATURE AS BEING UTTERLY CONFIDENTIAL AND 'TOP SECRET'. I AM SURE AND HAVE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR ABILITY AND RELIABILITY TO PROSECUTE A TRANSACTION OF THIS GREAT MAGNITUDE INVOLVING A PENDING TRANSACTION REQUIRING MAXIIMUM CONFIDENCE.

WE ARE TOP OFFICIAL OF THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL WHO ARE INTERESTED IN IMPORATION OF GOODS INTO OUR COUNTRY WITH FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY TRAPPED IN NIGERIA. IN ORDER TO COMMENCE THIS BUSINESS WE SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE TO ENABLE US TRANSFER INTO YOUR ACCOUNT THE SAID TRAPPED FUNDS.

THE SOURCE OF THIS FUND IS AS FOLLOWS; DURING THE LAST MILITARY REGIME HERE IN NIGERIA, THE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS SET UP COMPANIES AND AWARDED THEMSELVES CONTRACTS WHICH WERE GROSSLY OVER-INVOICED IN VARIOUS MINISTRIES. THE PRESENT CIVILIAN GOVERNMENT SET UP A CONTRACT REVIEW PANEL AND WE HAVE IDENTIFIED A LOT OF INFLATED CONTRACT FUNDS WHICH ARE PRESENTLY FLOATING IN THE CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA READY FOR PAYMENT.

HOWEVER, BY VIRTUE OF OUR POSITION AS CIVIL SERVANTS AND MEMBERS OF THIS PANEL, WE CANNOT ACQUIRE THIS MONEY IN OUR NAMES. I HAVE THEREFORE, BEEN DELEGATED AS A MATTER OF TRUST BY MY COLLEAGUES OF THE PANEL TO LOOK FOR AN OVERSEAS PARTNER INTO WHOSE ACCOUNT WE WOULD TRANSFER THE SUM OF US$21,320,000.00(TWENTY ONE MILLION, THREE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND U.S DOLLARS). HENCE WE ARE WRITING YOU THIS LETTER. WE HAVE AGREED TO SHARE THE MONEY THUS; 1. 20% FOR THE ACCOUNT OWNER 2. 70% FOR US (THE OFFICIALS) 3. 10% TO BE USED IN SETTLING TAXATION AND ALL LOCAL AND FOREIGN EXPENSES. IT IS FROM THE 70% THAT WE WISH TO COMMENCE THE IMPORTATION BUSINESS.

PLEASE,NOTE THAT THIS TRANSACTION IS 100% SAFE AND WE HOPE TO COMMENCE THE TRANSFER LATEST SEVEN (7) BANKING DAYS FROM THE DATE OF THE RECEIPT OF THE FOLLOWING INFORMATIOM BY TEL/FAX; 234-1-7740449, YOUR COMPANY'S SIGNED, AND STAMPED LETTERHEAD PAPER THE ABOVE INFORMATION WILL ENABLE US WRITE LETTERS OF CLAIM AND JOB DESCRIPTION RESPECTIVELY. THIS WAY WE WILL USE YOUR COMPANY'S NAME TO APPLY FOR PAYMENT AND RE-AWARD THE CONTRACT IN YOUR COMPANY'S NAME.

WE ARE LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING THIS BUSINESS WITH YOU AND SOLICIT YOUR CONFIDENTIALITY IN THIS TRANSATION. PLEASE ACKNOWLEDGE THE RECEIPT OF THIS LETTER USING THE ABOVE TEL/FAX NUMBERS. I WILL SEND YOU DETAILED INFORMATION OF THIS PENDING PROJECT WHEN I HAVE HEARD FROM YOU.

YOURS FAITHFULLY,

DR CLEMENT OKON

NOTE; PLEASE QUOTE THIS REFERENCE NUMBER (VE/S/09/99) IN ALL YOUR RESPONSES.

[worker201]

We are a fully registered loan agency,we give out loans, to all
in need of help across the globe. By offering out LOANS. Are you looking
for money to pay bills? we want you to know that we can help you with a
loan,and  we will be glad to offer you a loan. Our loan takes a maximum
of 3 working days to get to approved to customers across the globe at
low interest rate of 2%.Have a nice day and hope to hear from you soon.

Regards
Mrs CELESTINA KEYES

No links, no images, nothing.  Not even a company name.  It's like they're not even trying.

[Kintaro]

I should write some php that detects if the client is a crawler, and inserts the emails of those I hate into pages.

[Aloone_Jonez]

What's the best was of getting spam?

There must be an easier method than that.

I'd like to sign up the idiots who ask stupid questions on forums using txt speak and leave their email address at the bottom of their post to a load of spammers. They just piss me off, it's a fucking forum, the whole point is so everyone can see the replies, no one's going to email you or do your final year project for you!

[worker201]

The best way to get spam is to find one of those sites that offers to send you free porn in your email.  Not only will you get email porn, you'll also be added to god only knows how many email databases.

Or, if you prefer, a sweepstakes site.

[Aloone_Jonez]

I tried several test porn sites to a test email account but they all asked for confirmation via email.

[worker201]

How about using an anonymous account as a forwarding agent?  Sign yourself up for porn, and then forward all your spam to the 'enemy'.

[Kintaro]

How about using an anonymous account as a forwarding agent?  Sign yourself up for porn, and then forward all your spam to the 'enemy'.

You would need to run your own email server because if I noticed someone doing that with their fawltyservers.com account I'd instaban them.

[worker201]

Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of a Yahoo or Gmail account. 

[Aloone_Jonez]

That's a good idea Worker.

I think I'd have to sign up using a proxy server so they don't do something like track my IP and get rid of the account I really care about.

[yourlife]

Oh goody, I now know which experts to look for to spam someone.
Except I already know how anyway haha

[Kintaro]

Fuck it, just order a car ignition coil online, get two six volt torch batteries, and a cable. Just have the ends far apart so HE makes the circuit, each time delivering a zap. Get that ASBO son!

[Aloone_Jonez]

Have an onld CRT TV or monitor you want to get rid of?

Don't throw it away, rip out the flybAack transformer and build this high voltage circuit.

http://www.silicontronics.com/index.php?action=ezportal;sa=page;p=24

[Kintaro]

Have an onld CRT TV or monitor you want to get rid of?

Don't throw it away, rip out the flybAack transformer and build this high voltage circuit.

http://www.silicontronics.com/index.php?action=ezportal;sa=page;p=24

Win, this is something my dad would come up with who in his 20s was a TV repair guy. Among other things.