If Microsoft Made Cars
For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day,
Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a
new car.
Sometimes your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
have to pull over to the side of the road, close all the windows, shut
off the car, restart it and reopen all the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
Occasionally executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your
car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would
reinstall the engine.
The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would all be
replaced by a single 'This car had performed an illegal act' warning
light.
The air bag system would ask 'Are you sure?' before deploying!
Occasionally for no reason whatsoever your car would lock you out and
refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key and grabbed hold of the car aerial.
Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn to
drive again because none of the controls would operate in the same
manner as the old car.
You would have to press the start button to turn the
engine off!
If Microsoft Made Toasters
Every time you bought a loaf of bread, you would have to buy a toaster. You wouldn't have to take the toaster, but you'd still have to pay for it anyway. Toaster'95 would weigh 15000 pounds (hence requiring a reinforced steel countertop), draw enough electricity to power a small city, take up 95% of the space in your kitchen, would claim to be the first toaster that lets you control how light or dark you want your toast to be, and would secretly interrogate your other appliances to find out who made them. Everyone would hate Microsoft toasters, but nonetheless would buy them since most of the good bread only works with their toasters.
If Microsoft Ran an Airline
With Win 95/98
The terminal is pretty and colorful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
With Win NT
Just like Windows Air, but costs more, uses much bigger planes and takes out all the other aircraft within a 40-mile radius when it explodes.
