quote:Recently in Redmond (motto: "I hate you, your such an asshole"), residents reported an outbreak of windows. Perhaps you think there are no windows in Redmond. Perhaps you are an idiot.As the French say, au contraire (literally: "You cant even think of a plural noun thats good enough for a column generator.!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader John Tate, whose name can be rearranged to spell "JEOTHANT ", although that is not my main point. "John Tate", by the way, only has the letters "onae" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.According to a quote which I am not making up, from Redmond Mayor Bill Gates (formally "Mayor Bill Gates" and informally "Billy"), windows ranks as a major crisis just behind Boat, River and Oar (insert your "Person" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between Redmond government employees:FIRST REDMOND EMPLOYEE: "Boss, id hate to tell you, but your a dickhead!"SECOND REDMOND EMPLOYEE: "FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER"FIRST REDMOND EMPLOYEE: "DIE ASSHAT"Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor Billy, and that is: chop off George Steinbrenner's dick.No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's dick, although it might involve beating up Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "i", and de grace, meaning "plan to buy cars". The procedure (you may want to write this down): 1. use trucks to pick it up 2. buy a new oneBut instead the Redmond city council (motto: "We'll govern when you pry the mouse out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the windows) will are slow buggy and stupid soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "Do you like bill gates, I dont!".Speaking of which, "The Redmond Windows Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.
quote:Recently in MES Forum (motto: "Go jump off a cliff"), residents reported an outbreak of DDoS attack. Perhaps you think there are no DDoS attack in MES Forum. Perhaps you are an idiot.As the French say, au contraire (literally: "Fucktard!!"). I have here in my hands a copy of an Associated Press article sent in by alert reader Ex Eleven, whose name can be rearranged to spell "ENXE VEEL", although that is not my main point. "Ex Eleven", by the way, only has the letters "EEleen" in in common with "Monica Lewinsky", so there is no other reason to mention Monica Lewinsky in this column.According to a quote which I am not making up, from MES Forum Mayor TheQuirk (formally "Mayor TheQuirk" and informally "Calum"), DDoS attack ranks as a major crisis just behind Linux, BSD and VMS (insert your "QNX" joke here), as evidenced by the following conversation between MES Forum government employees:FIRST MES FORUM EMPLOYEE: "Go find another guy who can suck your dick, you fat low-life piece of shit"SECOND MES FORUM EMPLOYEE: "Did your daddy teach you how to drive?"FIRST MES FORUM EMPLOYEE: "Where did you get training, arsehole?"Fortunately I have a suggestion for Mayor Calum, and that is: castrate George Steinbrenner's dick.No, seriously, my suggestion does not involve George Steinbrenner's dick, although it might involve l33+ h4><0ring Tobacco Institute scientists. My suggestion is more along the lines of a coup de grace, from the French coup, meaning "playing", and de grace, meaning "Tux Racer". The procedure (you may want to write this down): 1. Let Microsoft employees clean out recycle bins 2. Drinking JoltBut instead the MES Forum city council (motto: "We'll eat shit and die when you pry the dildo out of our cold, dead fingers") thinks that they (the DDoS attack) will DDoS websites through Microsoft buggy software soon, sending this message to the public, and to the world: "WHATEVER!!".Speaking of which, "The MES Forum DDoS attack Outbreak" would be a great name for a rock band.
