Join The Cult of Bob and not the evil non-bobs who are the discordians.what the cult of Bob is all about? - it's the latest effort on creating world unity. Past utopias have failed due to idealistic plans that look great on paper, but in real life are always corrupted by money, conflicting views, baaad people or bad management.
Why is this? It's because people think too much and have different views on what a utopia should be. The answer to this? We need to stop thinking! Thinking is BLOODY DANGEROUS and will only lead to wars, famine, and back stabbing murdering types. It's well known that people who think too much can turn into goths, schizophrenics or manic depressives, it's a harsh fact that the world is evil, humanity is all wrong and needs to be destroyed, the government are out to get us and we're all getting diseases from genetically mutated food and mad cows. This is where the Cult of Bob comes in. We need to stop thinking in order to survive and be happy! To create a perfect unity in this cruel world we must lose our minds, and become perfectly harmonised zombies, incapable of emotion or rational thought! Don't you agree?
What do the cult of Bob do?
The answer to that is not very much. The best plans are always the simple ones, and that is why the cult of Bob is so perfect. As a member of the cult of Bob your role is simple:
* You will, at all convenient opportunities chant the words "We are all bob" many times, in a zombified manner.
* You will attempt to convert many other people into chanting with you. First they will think it's funny, then they will get addicted to it. Then you should direct them to this page, where they will become a member of the Bob cult.
* You will worship the Bob god, who goes under the name of Bob. Bob is a female, but that does not matter, as the cult of Bob is not gender specific. All races, genders, and animals may join with us, to create an army of Bobs, united in our cause of descriminating against NO-ONE, except non-bobs. They must be converted, or destroyed.
* You should, in time, lose as many braincells as possible. Drinking in excess, going to heavy metal clubs, or banging your head against the wall is a good way of achieving this. The cult of Bob should ideally be very stupid, and unified in their mission of chanting "we are all Bob".
* You will sacrifice food to the bob god. The Bob god likes cheese, spam, salami and alcohol. Eating hamsters is a good way of worshipping your god, see here for a good introduction to hamster eating.
* You should be happy and friendly to your fellow Bob clan. The cult of Bob will be unified in our mission, and any one with a bad word to say about another Bob will be tortured and slowly garrotted. No-one is to discriminate against another bob, no matter their colour, race, sexuality, features, or dubious smell. We WILL have utopia, by any means necessary.
* If your family persuades you against being a member of the cult of Bob, you should KILL them, because they are WRONG. However, realise that this is your own choice, and the cult of Bob takes no responsibility for any murdered family. We cannot pay legal fees for you either, as the cult of Bob is a spiritual cult, not a material one, e.g. we have no money. Due to this reason, we cannot provide members with t-shirts or keyrings either, sorry about that.
So that is what your role as a bob will entail. It's effortless, fun, you're destined to be happy.
Are you interested in joining us?[ June 29, 2002: Message edited by: Master of Reality / Bob ]
