computer stupidities!

[Calum]

that site fett posted was classic!

http://rinkworks.com/stupid/cs_listen.shtml

   

quote:#  Friend: "I hate IBM. Go with Apple because Windows sucks."
# Me: "What about Linux? Or FreeBSD or another alternate OS?"
# Friend: "They don't exist."
# Me: "Try www.linux.org."
# Friend: "You made them up."

haw!        

quote:    *  Tech Support: "Hi, how can I help you?"
    * Customer: "Uh, yeah, I can't print."
    * Tech Support: "Ok, sir, I want you to click 'Start' and--"
    * Customer: "Listen, buddy, don't get technical on me! I'm not Bill Freakin' Gates, you know!"
-----------------
    * Customer: "Please help. I bought a 14400 fax/voice. There were some corks (jumpers) on it. I did some replacing and switching. My modem won't work. Can you tell me why?"
-----------------
I am a technician for a school system using a Novell network. One day I had a user call and complain, "Every time I turn off my computer, I lose my network connection."
-----------------
    * Office Worker: "I deleted all the images in our database that were more than three days old. Now I can't get the pictures I scanned last week. Maybe the database has some problems?"
-----------------
    * Tech Support: "What type of computer do you have?"
    * Customer: "A white one."

i love it!!! what will i do when i have read them all!!!    :eek:  

i am so sorry but:
 

quote:    *  Customer: "Uhh...I need help unpacking my new PC."
    * Tech Support: "What exactly is the problem?"
    * Customer: "I can't open the box."
    * Tech Support: "Well, I'd remove the tape holding the box closed and go from there."
    * Customer: "Uhhhh...ok, thanks...."

[ January 16, 2003: Message edited by: Calum ]

[TheGreatPoo]

My personal favorite    :

 

quote: Email from a customer:

     I've bought a stolen CDD3610 which didn't come with any software or cables. Could you please send that to me? I presume I do have the full 12 months warranty?

[Calum]

haw haw haw!  

quote:The owner of the company I was serving as system administrator, webmaster, and whipping boy, showed up one day and plopped down with his laptop and prepared to do some work. All of a sudden I heard my name called, so I ran up there and the following exchange occurred:

    * Him: "Hey! I got a problem! It starts loading Windows, shows the startup screen, then it just dies. Fix it."
    * Me: "Is the battery charged?"
    * Him: "Of course! Just put a new one in."

So I sat down and crank the laptop up. Sure enough, Windows started loading, and then the whole thing died. Fearing the worst, I tried it again (it'd been a long day), and the same thing happened.

This is when I spotted one end of the power cord lying on the desk. I plugged it in, and it worked just fine. I played out a hand of solitaire (like I said, it'd been a long day). When I told him that I'd fixed it, he was astonished and asked how. I still remember my response to him:

    * Me: "I had to hack at your registry for a bit because a virus had caused a conflict between your mouse port and the UART in your CONFIG.SYS. It was real touch and go for a while there, but I managed to get it by converting your kernel from binary to hexadecimal and backending one of your IRQs into your BIOS."

And he actually bought it.

[xyle_one]

quote: The owner of the company I was serving as system administrator, webmaster, and whipping boy, showed up one day and plopped down with his laptop and prepared to do some work. All of a sudden I heard my name called, so I ran up there and the following exchange occurred:

* Him: "Hey! I got a problem! It starts loading Windows, shows the startup screen, then it just dies. Fix it."
* Me: "Is the battery charged?"
* Him: "Of course! Just put a new one in."

So I sat down and crank the laptop up. Sure enough, Windows started loading, and then the whole thing died. Fearing the worst, I tried it again (it'd been a long day), and the same thing happened.

This is when I spotted one end of the power cord lying on the desk. I plugged it in, and it worked just fine. I played out a hand of solitaire (like I said, it'd been a long day). When I told him that I'd fixed it, he was astonished and asked how. I still remember my response to him:

* Me: "I had to hack at your registry for a bit because a virus had caused a conflict between your mouse port and the UART in your CONFIG.SYS. It was real touch and go for a while there, but I managed to get it by converting your kernel from binary to hexadecimal and backending one of your IRQs into your BIOS."

And he actually bought it.  

that is great!! i think we are discovering new & better ways to troubleshoot windoids problems  

[ January 16, 2003: Message edited by: Xyle: iGeek... ]

[TheGreatPoo]

quote:  * Me: "I had to hack at your registry for a bit because a virus had caused a conflict between your mouse port and the UART in your CONFIG.SYS. It was real touch and go for a while there, but I managed to get it by converting your kernel from binary to hexadecimal and backending one of your IRQs into your BIOS."

That's the best part!  HAHAHA!