"Big" Hans Mjollnirsen, a Swedish expatriate working in the United States was awarded a patent from the United States Patent Office for instant massaging technology this week.
Online giant AOL/Time Warner wasted no time in taking him to court. An AOL/TW Senior Scumbag said "Mr. Mjollnirsen's gross attempt to patent something that sounds like something that is our ip will NOT be tolerated! We're going to send a message to him and all other inventors and people in the world, don't make things that sound anything remotely like our ip!"
This is another in a rash of "ip-look-alike" suits breaking out across the nation. The Coca-Cola company has taken a Colombian drug lord to court for using the term "Coca" for his cannabis-based line of products. The RIAA has sued makers of mechanical music boxes for calling the sounds that are produced by the contraptions "songs".
ip Scumbag firm Shiteater, Fuckwalker, and Cockgobbler prounounced this a great new era in ip bullying, "Scumbags everywhere can rest assured that we will not end our search to find new ways to bully and extort the consumer peasants of the world in the name of greed and avarice!"
In other news, Henry Kissinger told the Bush administration to "kiss his white ass" and that they can "all burn in Hell for your incompetence and ignorance".
