I would travel back in time and make sure Linus Torvalds never came up with Linux.
Err. BSD was deemed legal not long after, so it would be fruitless and everyone would just be working on and running BSD who is running Linux today.
I would do things for pleasure, you people are sucky nerds. I would make 15 year old virgins bang me until I die of an orgasm induced heart attack at 80 years old.