Stop Microsoft
Miscellaneous => Applications => Topic started by: Calum on 21 September 2002, 02:36
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microsoft have actually got a page, three movies and one song about how shit the paperclip is to advertise the fact that it doesn't appear in office XP! how screwy is that?
http://www.microsoft.com/office/clippy/ (http://www.microsoft.com/office/clippy/)
quote:
My name is Clippy,
and Office XP has me sweating (and rusting).
Why? Because Office XP works so easily that it's made Office Assistants like me useless. Obsolete. And, I'm told, hideously unattractive.
They even cut my pay, despite the fact that I work for free!
I've taken over this space to share my pathetic story and show off my skills as a Web designer. Not bad, huh? Know anyone who's hiring?
For years I've told you what to do. Now it's your turn. What should I do with all my newfound spare time? Vote at this online poll. (Note: Dimpled chads will not be counted. So make sure you press the computer screen firmly.)
And another thing: Out of sorrow can come great art
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Yeah, it's nuts. What's more nuts is that those who have Office XP (I won't touch it myself) tell me that the paperclip is still there....
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Clippy's dark side is the real reason M$ fired his ass:
http://www.entmag.com/archives/article.asp?EditorialsID=6477 (http://www.entmag.com/archives/article.asp?EditorialsID=6477)
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"clippy
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"Your probebly writing a letter. I like letters, I think you should!" -Clippy from Word RG :D
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quote:
Microsux (http://www.microsux.com) enabled Active X scripting in Office 2000
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Damn that paperclip is annoying, but nowhere near as bad as that mother fucking dog.
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Holy. That paperclip has a wishlist on amazon.com
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http://www.vnunet.com/News/1120435 (http://www.vnunet.com/News/1120435)
just another amusing article about clippy being fired! i can't get enough of this! does anybody remember the cartoon which parodies microsoft, and clippy is one of the main characters? i can't remember the name or anything...
also, did you guys notice this?:
http://www.microsoft.com/office/clippy/game.asp (http://www.microsoft.com/office/clippy/game.asp)
you get to fire staples and rubber bands at clippy!!! :D
edit: http://www.ubersoft.net/d/19990709.html (http://www.ubersoft.net/d/19990709.html) there we go!
[ October 07, 2002: Message edited by: Calum ]
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quote:
Originally posted by ThePreacher:
Damn that paperclip is annoying, but nowhere near as bad as that mother fucking dog.
You know where that dog came from don't you? They brought him back from the dead from Microsoft Bob. Yep, seems like pushing Bob on people all at once like they tried to do in 1995 they are bringing it back one step at a time starting with fucking Rover. And if I remember right, Rover was by no means an innovation, they stole him from the dog pound.
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quote:
Originally posted by ThePreacher:
Damn that paperclip is annoying, but nowhere near as bad as that mother fucking dog.
An animated help character is annoying no matter what OS/software you use. I'm glad to see that damn paperclip out of the picture in OfficeXP. I always disabled him anyways. I always disable that stupid dog search assistant too. I don't need a cartoon trying to help me use my system.
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you love that paperclip, zombie93748479812...
and you know that dog? at night, it climbs down out of your computer and then it rings bill gates up and tells him EXACTLY what youq've been up to. and there's nothing you can do about it!!!!
MWAH HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!
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quote:
Originally posted by Calum:
you love that paperclip, zombie93748479812...
and you know that dog? at night, it climbs down out of your computer and then it rings bill gates up and tells him EXACTLY what youq've been up to. and there's nothing you can do about it!!!!
MWAH HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!!!!!
That dog probably goes to your house at night and sniffs your ass. And there is nothing that you can do about it....MWAHAHAHAHAHA! (http://zombie9920.homestead.com/files/5.gif)
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This is turning into one of the funniest threads I've seen in a while. Keep it up guys! (http://smile.gif)
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You're all a bunch of (http://www.dopefish.com/images/dopeansi.gif)
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XP Luser, it's nice you got a webcam to take pictures of yourself with, but keep 'em to yourself, OK?
About the Paperclip...I like the second stage of the game where you get to staple the bastard. Revenge for the shit I put up with from that f0kker. Where I work , the settings reset after the computer shuts down, so the damn clip was back in the morning.
I liked the robot one. Especially when it swallows the bomb and explodes.
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quote:
Originally posted by The_Muffin_Man/B0b:
I liked the robot one. Especially when it swallows the bomb and explodes.
huh? been into the LSD lately?
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Calum and Zombie i think are in love :D
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quote:
Originally posted by bazoukas:
Calum and Zombie i think are in love :D
You think wrong. That is like totally sick. I'm not into the whole gay thing. (http://zombie9920.homestead.com/files/5.gif)
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Zombie and Calum sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
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quote:
Originally posted by The Master of Reality / Bob:
huh? been into the LSD lately?
I thought it did...if not, than I have been into the LSD lately :D
[ October 08, 2002: Message edited by: The_Muffin_Man/B0b ]
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i dunno it might have. maybe i am.
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quote:
Originally posted by ThePreacher:
Damn that paperclip is annoying, but nowhere near as bad as that mother fucking dog.
A-Fucking-Men!!! I think the dog is worse than the paperclip.
(http://img.ranchoweb.com/images/katflash/officeassistant.gif)
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I'd love it if in their next office when the Office Assistant says "It looks like you're writing a letter..." one of the options would be: "It looks like you're going to fuck off..."
Stupid thing keeps saying I need flash, when I have it. Is it supposed to say that being the obnoxious turd that it is?
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quote:
Muffin Man:
Where I work , the settings reset after the computer shuts down, so the damn clip was back in the morning.
AAAHHH!!!! NO-O-o-o-o-o!! that would be a living hell. "Good morning, skipper! It looks like you're writing a letter! It looks like you're <GAK> <GLUK> It looks like you're beating me up!" quote:
Zombie9920:
You think wrong. That is like totally sick. I'm not into the whole gay thing. (http://zombie9920.homestead.com/files/5.gif)
:D a bit repressed there, aren't you? i'm not gay either but my masculinity doesn't get threatened every time the subject is brought up ;)
nevertheless folks, zombie1423 isn't my type! :D :D :D
also, is this the same dog?
(http://www.cs.unm.edu/~dlchao/flake/doom/chi/bob.jpg) (http://www.cs.unm.edu/~dlchao/flake/doom/chi/chi.html)
just to keep the fire burning:
quote:
from http://www.cnet.com/software/0-6018642-8-20057234-3.html (http://www.cnet.com/software/0-6018642-8-20057234-3.html)
Paper clip cemetery
Nightmare: Clippy's come back from the dead! Yikes!
When someone told me that Clippy (Microsoft's cheerful, animated, paper clip-shaped office assistant) was gone forever, I danced on his grave. But before I could say abra cadaver, he came back, animated, and way too chipper on a Monday morning. I've tried confronting him with a flashlight, like they do in the movies, and now I'm all out of ideas. Plus, now I have some other gripes about the way Office XP dishes out help. Grrr!
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Analysis
Office XP's help system suffers from several flaws; the notorious Office Assistant is just the most notable. We have other complaints about Office XP's help files. The Help window tends to cover up a substantial part of the document window, and there's no way to get rid of the Ask A Question box--the tiny, one-field toolbar at the top right of every Office app that sports the "Type a question for help" prompt.
With a bit of tweaking, however, you can train the Office help to do what you want.
Advice
Office XP is the first Microsoft suite that turns off the nagging Office Assistant, a.k.a. Clippy, by default. But Clippy can come back from the dead faster than Dracula from the grave if you or someone else activates him.
To get rid of the assistant, right-click the cartoon character paper clip, then choose Options from the resulting pop-up menu. Clear the check box beside the "Use the Office assistant" box and click OK. You can also permanently exorcise the assistant so that no one using the computer can resurrect him. Here's how: From the Start menu, select Settings > Control Panel > Add/Remove Programs, highlight Microsoft Office, click "Add or remove features," and hit Next. Under Office Shared Features, find Office Assistant, then click the small arrow and choose Not Available. Click the Update button to uninstall the assistant.
Good-bye Question box
Want to dump the Question box in an Office XP application, too? Microsoft makes this a bit harder but still doable. Choose Tools > Customize. Leave this dialog open but right-click in the Question box; it's at the upper right of the window, straight across from the Help menu. Uncheck the "Show Ask A Question box" to hide it. Close the Customize dialog box by clicking its OK button. If you want the box back, use Tools > Customize again, but this time, check the "Show Ask A Question box" after right-clicking the Question box on the menu bar.
[ October 11, 2002: Message edited by: Calum ]
[ October 11, 2002: Message edited by: Calum ]
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quote:
Calum:
also, is this the same dog?
yup! it sure is!
P.S I know this is an old thread, but it's so funny I just HAD to reply!
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(http://www.cs.unm.edu/~dlchao/flake/doom/chi/bob.jpg)
Take a good look at that. The calendar says "March 10", and yet the lawn outside is green, the tree is full of leaves, and there are fresh cut flowers in the vase. There are also bales of hay waiting out in the field for pick up. In early March?(!) :eek:
Also, it's a warm enough day for both the windows to be wide open (without screens for keeping out the bugs. Then, again, when has Microsoft been concerned about keeping out bugs? :D ). Yet there's a roaring fire in the fire place :eek:
WTF?(!)
Can a UI possibly get more dumb-assed than that? :D
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(http://www.otakupc.com/etsig/dolphin.gif)
"There: now you'll never have to look at those dirty Windows anymore"
--Daffy Duck
[ May 12, 2003: Message edited by: jtpenrod ]
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yes it can,
how about this one:
(http://www.ucsf.edu/its/ras/images/win95_desktop.gif)
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Could be worse
(http://home.midsouth.rr.com/fett101/ew.jpg)
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quote:
yes it can,
how about this one:
Lovely puke-green background. Yummmmmm! (http://tongue.gif)
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Live Free or Die: Linux
(http://www.otakupc.com/etsig/dolphin.gif)
"There: now you'll never have to look at those dirty Windows anymore"
--Daffy Duck
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(http://l337images.com/images/picture86.jpg)
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quote:
Originally posted by fett101:
[QB]Could be worse
that's pretty bad right enough, how do you put up with it?
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I don't. I use a slightly modified Windows Classic theme.
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oh so it looks like the puke green one i posted then...