Stop Microsoft
Operating Systems => Linux and UNIX => Topic started by: beltorak0 on 15 February 2003, 04:58
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does anyone have these?
funny man pages (http://speakeasy.rpmfind.net/linux/RPM/contrib/noarch/noarch/funny-manpages-1.1-1.noarch.html)
Their 'sex' entry is a weaker (but more fully featured) than this pulled off the net:
man sex (http://faq.linux.ms/wiki/sex)
quote:
man(s) Human interaction methods man(s)
NAME
sex - start intimate interaction between humans
SYNOPSIS
sex [--type oral|anal|vaginal|penial|manual]
[--pref hetero|gay|lesbian]
[--mode single|couple|triple|multiple]
[--lowdness (num)] [--locality (string) [file]]
[--position] [--gender (num)|(string)]
DESCRIPTION
This documentation is no longer being maintained and may
be inaccurate or incomplete. Peep tv programme is now the
authoritative source.
This manual page documents the GNU version of sex. sex is
always run as foreground process and can not be forked.
OPTIONS
--type
All or at least one of this options can be given. If
mode 'single' is given, the value of type will be
overridden. Then it defaults to 'manual'.
--pref
The pref option tells 'sex' which methods it should
supply. Note that not all interfaces for type are
available with every option for pref. Look at sec-
tion 'COMPATIBLITY' for details.
--mode
Tells sex if there are one, two, three or even more
clients involved. If mode single is given 'type' de-
faults to manual.
--lowdness
This option wants a three digit number. The first of
those is the initial value, the second gives the
medium or max value, the last one gives the final
value. Default is 270.
--locality (string)
A system specific value. string can be any predefi-
ned value from one of the configuration files in
/etc/living/.
Normally /etc/living/conf.flat should exist on every
system, as well as /etc/living/conf.holiday.
If 'file' is given, an alternative configuration can
be used.
--postition (string)
Default is 'missionary', but also any other configu-
ration file can be used. Not that /etc/fitness is
checked before invoking sex.
--gender (num)|(string)
With this option the gender of the invoked clients is
defined. This can either be by a number treated as
binary value, 1 meaning female, 2 meaning male. sex
although expects the value as decimal. Or the value
can be given as varying length string, consisting of
of 'f' or 'm' letters.
If there are more letters or binary digits given than
clients defined with mode, the superflouos ones will
be ignored. If there are more clients than gender
identifiers the last identifier is taken for all re-
mainding clients.
sex operates gender dependent. Although in the past there
have been attempts to build a gender indepent version of
sex, those haven't yet been successful.
sex uses complex threading, but you may get timeouts call-
ing it in a too complex environment. Usually you can rely
on the built-in recover method, although this one will not
work when sex is called together with 'drugs'.
FILES
/etc/conf.sexuals
/usr/sbin/in.emotiond
/usr/bin/sex
SEE ALSO
emotion(1), attraction(1), conf.flat(5)
STANDARDS
RFC-1097 TELNET SUBLIMINAL-MESSAGE
RFC-1437 MIME Content-Types for a New Medium
BUGS
There have been a lot of 'em reported. Yet noone knows how
to get rid of them.
Human 1.0 September 10, 1999 22
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a newer sex manpage:
quote:
NAME
sex -- have sex
SYNOPSIS
sex [options] ... [username] ...
DESCRIPTION
sex allows the invoker to have sex with the user(s) speci-
fied in the command line. If no users are specified, they
are taken from the LOVERS environment variable. Options
to make things more interesting are as follows:
-1 masturbate
-a external stimulus (aphrodisiac) option
-b buggery
-B animal
bestiality with animal
-c chocolate sauce option
-C chaining option (cuffs included) (see also -m -s
-W)
-d file
get a date with the features described in file
-e exhibitionism (image sent to all machines on the
net)
-f foreplay option
-F nasal sex with plants
-i coitus interruptus (messy!)
-j jacuzzi option (California sites only)
-l leather option
-m masochism (see -s)
-M triple parallel (Menage a Trois) option
-n necrophilia (if target process is not dead, program
kills it)
-o oral option
-O parallel access (orgy)
-p debug option (proposition only)
-P pedophilia (must specify a child process)
-q quickie (wham, bam, thank you, ma'am)
-s sadism (target must set -m)
-S sundae option
-v voyeurism (surveys the entire net)
-w whipped cream option
-W whips (see also -s, -C, and -m)
ENVIRONMENT
LOVERS is a list of default partners which will be used if
none are specified in the command line. If any are
specified, the values in LOVERS is ignored.
FILES
/usr/lib/sex/animals
animals for bestiality
/usr/lib/sex/blackbook
possible dates
/usr/lib/sex/sundaes
sundae recipes
/usr/lib/sex/s&m
sado-masochistic equipment
BUGS
^C (quit process) may leave the user very unsatisfied.
^Z (stop process) is usually quite messy.
HISTORY
Oldest program ever.
[ February 14, 2003: Message edited by: The Master of Reality / Bob ]
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I like the older one better because of the descriptions tho. Maybe we should mash the two together (pun intended)?
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from http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/ielinux.html (http://monster-island.org/tinashumor/humor/ielinux.html)
quote:
IE(1) IE(1)
NAME
ie - Microsoft Internet Explorer
SYNOPSIS
ie [ -acfghkp ] [ -m alternate-passwd-file ] [ -length of time ]
DESCRIPTION
Ie is the web browser. The only web browser. Netscape is
irrelevant. Opera is irrelevant. Ie is your master. Kneel.
There are two ways to use ie: non-executed binary and
insecure mode. The non-executed binary is the mode ie
ships in. There are no flags or directions for use in this
mode.
Options are:
-a
-c Clear filesystem. Ie will delete all files for which
it has write permission on all mounted filesystems.
After the first pass, Ie will begin attempts at obtaining
root access so that the remaining files can be removed.
-f Same as -c, except that ie will immediately begin
attempting root access, and will newfs all mounted
filesystems.
-h Hack. Lets you link to other systems running ie and
obtain their passwd files.
-k Randomly coredump. If you specify a valid mailbox name
in parens, ie will mail the coredump to them.
-p Post /etc/passwd to alt.2600.
-m [alternate] Gives you the opportunity to specify an alternate
passwd file to post.
-length How long should ie run crack on the passwd file before
attempting to post?
AUTHOR
The usual gang of idiots.
BUGS
See printed ie documentation: "Problems with IE", volumes
1-14, availible in hardcover from Microsoft Press.
The -g option is not implemented.
FILES
/etc/passwd System password file.
/usr/local/bin/crack crack binary.
/usr/local/bin/ie IE binary.
DIAGNOSTICS
If ie crashes, simply reboot system to restore stability.
BUG REPORTS TO
/dev/null
COPYRIGHTS
Microsoft Corporation. Don't even THINK about crossing us.
(This disclaimer does not apply to Ms. Janet Reno).
Sadly this one isn't included.