Stop Microsoft
Miscellaneous => The Lounge => Topic started by: cahult on 25 October 2003, 06:24
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The rules are easy: Just order a drink. Tell your best joke. Next poster take another drink and tell another story.
Vodka Martini
A woman has been married to her husband for ten years. And for all those ten years her husband insisted on making love in the dark. No matter how much she asked him, he would never turn the lights on.
One night she grew tired of this and turned on the light while they were making love and saw that he was using a dildo on her.
She says: "Honey, how could you do this! All this time you've never told me. Explain yourself immediately!"
The husband says, "OK, I'll explain, but first you have to explain the kids."
[ October 24, 2003: Message edited by: cahult ]
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Yo. le'me get a couple flaming dr peppers.
*lighting a cigaratte*
*unfolding some money*
* a real long silence*....
*
*
*
"So i was doing this guy, and afterwords, he was all like, 'wanna make out', and i was like, 'what, you think im some fag or something?'"
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just a mug full of gasoline cause I'm so damn manly
why can't hellen keller drive?
BECAUSE SHES A WOMAN
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Une fl
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The shady, yet ruggedly hansome Macman walks into the bar. The rough characters sitting around the bar suddenly become quiet and watch him very closely. Pretending not to notice, Macman orders gourmet gasoline and takes a swig. The bartender gives him a rude look the entire time, but Macman can sense the fear behind the bald man's eyes. But Macman knows the bartender has nothing to fear today, he has other things in mind besides killing, at least for now.
But a metallic click beneath the counter changes Macman's mind completely. He can see it in the bartender's eyes now. Replacing the fear is arrogant self-confidence. Macman casually takes another swig, then with lightning reflexes brings the heavy metal mug down hard on the bartender's skull and leaps over the counter as a hail of bullets fire in his general direction.
Wrestling briefly with the bartender beneath the counter, Macman uses his massive strength to lever the poor bastard above the counter where the occupants of the bar take aim and fire, filling the bartender's face with about twenty pieces of led.
Drawing his twin fully-automatics from beneath his trenchcoat, Macman stands up and blasts four nearby thugs in a split second, forcing the others tp duck for cover. Showing no mercy, Macman shoots up the sideways-turned tables, blasting the men behind them into nothing more than butchered flesh.
A young man, more confident than the rest, suddenly rushes Macman, who laughs briefly inside and blasts the arrogant man's head clean off.
Getting the same idea, another group of men jump from their cover and leap at Macman, but he dismissively mows them down. Two more groups jump from the shadows. Macman blasts one group but realized he will not have time to defend himself from the other, so he activates his arm spikes and elbows the lead man in the gut, running him through completely. The others try to raise their weapons but Macman hacks them all down into bloody chunks before they even know what hit them.
Deactivating his arm spikes, Macman looks around the bar, listening very intently. A shuffle from his left and he blasts ten rounds through the last overturned table. A series of thumps informs him that his shots hit their marks.
Putting away his guns, Macman throws a five dollar bill onto the counter. "Keep the change," he says to the bloody bartender's corpse.
Then he leaves.
[ October 25, 2003: Message edited by: Macman: Has twice Laukev7's posts ]
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A pint O' meat poteen
Why did the lion get lost?
Cos' jungle is massive.
Dah da! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
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Milk this time
- What
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Une coupe de rouge, je vous prie.
After Bill Gates' wedding night with Melinda:
'Now I know why you called your company "Microsoft"'.
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Bill Gates will not be including his children in his will. Instead he is giving his money away to charity. BTW, that was the same thought of the parents of Eric and Lyle Menendez.
- Jay Leno
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Vodka martini, shaken, not stirred.
Ok, why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear zippers.
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10 shots of Vodka
Why isn't bill gates married?
Because he is gay...
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I come inside the bar with two friends of mine.
I'm to young to drink beer, so I order a
0,7 liter bottle of Vodka
(I seem to tell weird things when I'm drunk)
A plane has crashed somewhere in the Pacific. In a half an hour only four survivors (1st Pilot, 2nd Pilot, a male passenger and a stewardess) got to the desert island. After five days the 1st pilot said:
-Enough of this perversion.- and killed the stewardess. After next five days the 1st pilot said:
-Enough of this perversion.- and buried the stewardess. And after next five days the 1st pilot said:
-Enough of this perversion.- and dug out the stewardess.
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Water.
Psyjax, Macman, and Ecsyle went on a small boating trip. Somehow, they crash onto an island. The boat is completely wrecked, but the shore is pretty close--only ten or so minutes of swiming. The only problem is that the water is filled with penis-eating sharks--and the only "tool" they have is one glass Coke battle. How do they get back to shore, along with their wangs?
:D (http://tongue.gif) (http://smile.gif)
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quote:
Originally posted by TheQuirk:
Water.
Psyjax, Macman, and Ecsyle went on a small boating trip. Somehow, they crash onto an island. The boat is completely wrecked, but the shore is pretty close--only ten or so minutes of swiming. The only problem is that the water is filled with penis-eating sharks--and the only "tool" they have is one glass Coke battle. How do they get back to shore, along with their wangs?
:D (http://tongue.gif) (http://smile.gif)
Fuck each other in the arse, and the one in front stuffs his dick in the bottle?
Ha ha ha, I get it.
[ October 26, 2003: Message edited by: Laukev7: Has half Macman's posts ]
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quote:
Originally posted by Laukev7: Has half Macman's posts:
Fuck each other in the arse, and the one in front stuffs his dick in the bottle?
Ha ha ha, I get it.
[ October 26, 2003: Message edited by: Laukev7: Has half Macman's posts ]
Boy, that was crude. Sorry I said that. Also, I should have probably replaced "coke bottle" with "mac." You know, because of al the mac-sex stuff we heared about a few months back.
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I'll have some really cheap Cola...
What's the difference between a bucket of shit and a scooter tuner?
The bucket.
What is the most important tool for a scooter tuner?
A decibel calculater.
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Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!
What's black and white and red all over and has trouble getting through a revolving door?
A nun with a spear through her head.
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Another glass of absinthe, please.
Now what's a joke again?
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quote:
Originally posted by The Merciless Darth Jimmy James:
Another glass of absinthe, please.
Now what's a joke again?
Ha, the joke
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quote:
Originally posted by TheQuirk:
Water.
Psyjax, Macman, and Ecsyle went on a small boating trip. Somehow, they crash onto an island. The boat is completely wrecked, but the shore is pretty close--only ten or so minutes of swiming. The only problem is that the water is filled with penis-eating sharks--and the only "tool" they have is one glass Coke battle. How do they get back to shore, along with their wangs?
:D (http://tongue.gif) (http://smile.gif)
If that happened, I would knock you guys unconscious with the bottle and escape myself.
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nyquil
whats grosser than 10 babies nailed to a tree?
1 baby nailed to 10 trees