Stop Microsoft
Miscellaneous => The Lounge => Topic started by: Kintaro on 10 May 2005, 01:16
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sorry
it has to be
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I beg your pardon?
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Please read http://kintaro.noobify.com/drupal/?q=node/75
Shit man.
Does anyone have any contact details of John's?
Phone numbers? Postal address?
Please email/PM/IM me A.S.A.P
Here is our AIM log of tonight
(00:15:35) Kintaron00d: ever goto my website?
(00:15:35) Kintaron00d logged in.
(00:15:46) Kintaron00d: just curious
(00:15:46) linuxlordc: occasionally :)
(00:15:50) Kintaron00d: i dont thing anyone does
(00:17:00) Kintaron00d: bye man
(00:17:33) linuxlordc: cu
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(00:23:41) Kintaron00d: http://kintaro.noobify.com/drupal/?q=node/75
(00:23:48) Kintaron00d: sorry
(00:23:50) Kintaron00d: it has to be
(00:23:53) Kintaron00d logged out.
(00:26:42) Kintaron00d logged in.
(00:30:40) linuxlordc: Final :O !
(00:31:04) Kintaron00d: sorry
(00:31:08) linuxlordc: I have 60 tablets reported to cause all kinds of fucked up things, if they dont kill me im fucking god.
(00:31:13) linuxlordc: are you serious?
(00:31:30) Kintaron00d: i so far have ejected 30 of them onto my table
(00:31:33) Kintaron00d: antipsychotics
(00:31:36) Kintaron00d: im sorry
(00:31:43) linuxlordc: dont do it
(00:31:55) linuxlordc: Please John
(00:32:05) Kintaron00d: its getting hard to take them out of the packets
(00:32:12) Kintaron00d: its getting hard to do anything
(00:32:16) Kintaron00d: because i shake all the time
(00:32:31) Kintaron00d: sorryu
(00:32:34) linuxlordc: John think about what you're doing
(00:32:34) Kintaron00d logged out.
(00:32:37) linuxlordc: there is no going back
(00:32:38) Unable to send message: Not logged in
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i thought about it.
i dont want to go back, ive considered everything my cognition engenders.
daniel farmilo is at school, he is the only one who can help me, and my fathers at work. its 9:51 here and its work time for everyone. nobody can help me and it has meticulously planned over a long peroid of time.
this is not a sudden thing, its not a mood swing i dont even have a mood at the moment.
i keep breaking down into tears because i know how this hurt everyone when ed did it and how it hurt me but that doesnt matter at all because im sorry and that doesnt mean anything but im so fucked up and when you see all the stupid habits on my computer you will realise this was better and that nothing matters to me because i am the faceless scum of the earth i will hurt someone if i dont do this and ill hurt more people if i dont but the way i could hurt people could send them into what i did and this is a sacrafice for what is morally right
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this is to calum...
your awesome. coolest bloke on the entire earth.
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the music sets the scene so well a perfect cirlcle and certain death the emotion connects to me and tellsn me wht ni haven to do and i cant even see fuck bye
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I so hope this one of of the 'stories' you wrote about in your blog.
Please just come on AIM.
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Kintaro's phone number:
+61 431 348 815
John, please reconsider your decision.
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I managed to get John's address.
He took the tablets as I reminded him of Sarah -
He then regretted taking the tablets.
I lost contact with John.
I called Australian Police -
They kept me on the line for 12 minutes (redirected me 3times, which didnt take long, but then I had about 10minutes of questions from the Police).
They have sent the Police and an Ambulance to John's address.
I must go to bed and try to sleep now.
I hope all is well, John will get his stomach pumped and be fine.
See you all tomorrow
Lord Calvin
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I just called John's house phone (at an extortionate rate) and someone answered.
They sounded out of their head. Slurred words etc.
I kept repeating myself but I don't think they could hear/understand.
As they hung up I heard someone in the background, I could sware they said "John, Phone!".
Im not sure.
I know I heard something in the background about "call for help".
So I am hoping John is getting all the help he needs from his father or something, and that the drugs thing was just a scare.
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You beat me to it. Anyway, I'm glad he's been taken care of.
Thanks, Lord C, you saved the day.
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I don't feel proud though, because as much as I wanted to call, I was paralysed by my apprehension of my parents' reaction if I called in Australia and made them foot the phone bill. If I were alone, I would have gladly paid myself. :(
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I've been worried that this might happen, because I haven't seen John here for a while. I'm begining to regret not saying anything. :(
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John, as I said just a bit ago, the meaning of life is.
You can't find the solution to the problem if you terminate it prematurely, you should know this from basic math / science.
If you want to know the answer, you'll live it out and seek it, rather than end it and lose it. Don't gamble on a snake eyes with the question of life. This, too, shall pass.
I really wish I knew what else to say, but I'm at a loss. :(
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I got his voice mail.
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John, as I said just a bit ago, the meaning of life is.
You can't find the solution to the problem if you terminate it prematurely, you should know this from basic math / science.
If you want to know the answer, you'll live it out and seek it, rather than end it and lose it. Don't gamble on a snake eyes with the question of life. This, too, shall pass.
I really wish I knew what else to say, but I'm at a loss. :(
good advice.
i added a comment to his blog entry, sent him an email, sent PM on his AIM (yes, logged on, but idle for 7 hours now), by my reckoning it's around 5AM in victoria at the moment, so probably not a good idea to ring just right now, but whatever's happened, must be heppening or have heppened by now, if the original blog entry was yesterday at 9AM (20 hours ago?)
my best wishes and thoughts are with john, and that's about all i can do. but i think that has power. good wishes make the world go round. or should at any rate.
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John,
I hope you read this. I never really talked to you before beside the odd thread, but your a person like anyone else, and lives are meant to be lived. Your live IS worth it, you can live a great life. You just need to get help, you can be made to feel normal. Suicide is not a normal mentally stable thought, but it is a thought that can be helped. You need to be properly diagnosed, you have to be completly honest with your doctor or you wont progress. You mentioned you were basically living on lies, again, this is not normal, but yet again, can be helped. Like I said, you need see a psychiatrist whom you have to be completly honest with, thats the only way for them to diagnose you properly. Your life does matter, as is now very obvious by the response of your friends, yes, friends, I alway thought you were a great person from what posts of yours I have seen. Hopefully you are ok know and able to read this and all the other posts. Maybe now you will realize that you do infact have friends who care about you.
I hope he is ok, hopefully he is doing better now and getting help.
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John,
What does it matter that 80% of the stories you have told us have been fabricated to gain our sympathy? Is the fact that you are so desperate to need to build an imaginary world of your own not sufficient grounds to gain our sympathy? Furthermore, wouldn't you agree that trying to find a 'meaning' to your life amounts to little more than buying into the artificial constructs that society has built, because people are uncomfortable with the notion of being merely masses of sentient beings made of cells? Following that line of reasoning, how are your confabulations any more unethical?
Exactly why do you so direly need a purpose to your life? Is life itself not sufficiently adequate to be enjoyed on its own?
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Oh. And to give you a personal example of how much impact you have on other people, John. When I said that I was paralysed when I wanted to call you, it wasn't just about money or parental relations. I was actually having an internal struggle, fueled by my burning sense of urgency to call you, desperately trying to fight my hesitations and my feeling of being tethered, due to my own emotional problems which I have been trying to overcome for a long time.
So please, do believe us when we say that people do care for you. We don't even need to actually have seen each other for such a bond to form.
As Calum said, the best I can do for now is give you my best wishes.
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John,
I hope you read this. I never really talked to you before beside the odd thread, but your a person like anyone else, and lives are meant to be lived. Your live IS worth it, you can live a great life. You just need to get help, you can be made to feel normal. Suicide is not a normal mentally stable thought, but it is a thought that can be helped. You need to be properly diagnosed, you have to be completly honest with your doctor or you wont progress. You mentioned you were basically living on lies, again, this is not normal, but yet again, can be helped. Like I said, you need see a psychiatrist whom you have to be completly honest with, thats the only way for them to diagnose you properly. Your life does matter, as is now very obvious by the response of your friends, yes, friends, I alway thought you were a great person from what posts of yours I have seen. Hopefully you are ok know and able to read this and all the other posts. Maybe now you will realize that you do infact have friends who care about you.
I hope he is ok, hopefully he is doing better now and getting help.
I'll second all of that. Word for word.
I really don't know what to say. I'm pretty new to these forums but John, if you think your useless, or nothing, you're wrong. You're much more than that. Your poetry, your writing and your art, are all great. You should get help, and continue doing the stuff that you enjoy and are good at.
You're also part of these forums, and as Bob said, we are your friends and we all care about you.
I wish you the best and really hope you get better.
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Just phoned the police for an update.
Got passed around and put on hold as usual.
I have been told to called 'after 3' and ask for a specific police woman, so that is 6am my time.
I am getting up at about 6:30 tomorrow for the gym anyway - so i'll give her a call.
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thanks for this, lord C, keep us updated here anyway if you hear anything (anybody else too) john is still logged into aim, as i am sure you all know, if he stops being in status "idle" and somebody notices, ask him how he's getting on please, and if you are john (or should i say "if you're reading this, john", or X11 (in my mind anyway!) then do let us know how you are keeping.
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wow, that's some fucked shit....Hope you're ok
anybody know what chemicals those pills contain?
60 pills is crazy... and enough for some serious damage, lets hope it doesn't come to that.
edit: hmm, appears he's been idle on AIM for 12 hours.
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He has a script that makes him go on and away. Don't ask me why, I know this because I asked him why he did that a while ago.
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hello.
im alive, i read this thread but at the moment my brain wont take to much into itself uhm yea.
i am having troubles with my vision to the point i am using a 200% text size increase.
They are considering short term mental hospitalisation. My dad has locked away everything in tablet form that exists in the house.
Thanks for your kind words. I don't know how to explain all of this knot of thinking I was stuck in yesterday morning. I don't know how to explain why I did it exactly. Im sorry I worried you people.
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http://kintaro.noobify.com/drupal/?q=node/76
Theres an update.
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I'm glad to hear you're doing better, John.
BTW, do you read our comments on your blog?
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Welcome back! :D
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hello.
im alive, i read this thread but at the moment my brain wont take to much into itself uhm yea.
i am having troubles with my vision to the point i am using a 200% text size increase.
They are considering short term mental hospitalisation. My dad has locked away everything in tablet form that exists in the house.
Thanks for your kind words. I don't know how to explain all of this knot of thinking I was stuck in yesterday morning. I don't know how to explain why I did it exactly. Im sorry I worried you people.
Glad to see you're getting better! :thumbup:
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welcome back, a clutch of internet freaks now breathes easier!
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Yea Kev bro, I read your comments and Calums as well. And everything else in this thread.
Its 7:26am and I have not slept.
Here comes a funny story, last night and yesterday due to dosing 50 risperidal I had side effects of not being able to control my face or tounge. I could not read properly and everything was fucked up. They gave me other medication to take that stops the side effects like fucking with my facial expression, locking my jaw open, not being able to talk due to a swollen tounge.
These side effects were still bothering me last night at about 10pmish and I decided it would be best to have some sleeping pills and go rest. However for some fucked up reason, the sleeping pills made me more "sober", I could see properly and was really awake from them. Sleeping Pills, what the fuck.
I feel rather guilty about this because a close friend of mine on a forum last year posted a note and shot himself. That crushed me.
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I'm glad to hear you're doing better, John.
BTW, do you read our comments on your blog?
Yes I read the comments, thank you very much for the support and advice I needed to hear because the shrinks just talk psychobabble that i hardly understand and god damn I might as well just get a job and go back on the weed - I was happier.
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Eh, I was fooling around. :D
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(Ow, my ears.)
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[size=8]Bang![/size]
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Ow.
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try valerian, it is a very good natural sleep inducer, and it has none of the side effects of harsher artificial tranquilisers such as ludes and valium.
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That stuff stinks, though. And it makes the cats go mad.
An alternative that works for me is to ingest substantial amounts of food, preferably fruit to get the digestive system to drain enough energy to induce sleep. Mango works especially well for me.
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That's funney because I can't sleap when I've had a lot of apples, cheese also stops me from sleaping.
Apples are high in fibre which makes my stomach churn and cheese is packed with fat an protein which are also hard to digest.
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stinks? you can get it in sugar pills with a measured number of milligrams in each one! they don't stink, and you have very odd cats if a bottle of sugar pills makes them go mad!
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THAT is a relief, Kintaro. I haven't been up here, on the fora, for some time, and now I come... and read this, almost unreal, thread.
John,
I'm sure you will manage straightening out your mind, your thoughts and your reasoning, all through your own mental power. We are all here for an unknown reason, which has been sought for since Socrates. Although no one has yet found it, and we can't even be sure if it exists, we have since still successfuly lived through several hundred generations.
Although not always enjoyable, life is what we borrowed from nature, and it will take what it owns soon enough. We should not try to repay any earlier, just as we cannot extend the duration by our earthly means.
Just as the mathematical postulates can not be proven any further, life cannot be given a deeper reason, it's like trying to factorise a prime number.
I can add myself to the long list of on-line friends, as I consider you all to be to myself, who hope you will get through this. From the inside, on your own. No one can change you mind from the outside, although many can offer support - some probably better that me and all of us out here.
Jenda
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stinks? you can get it in sugar pills with a measured number of milligrams in each one! they don't stink, and you have very odd cats if a bottle of sugar pills makes them go mad!
Ah, well, it doesn't work quite the same way here. Natural medicine is more popular and more reliable in Europe than in Canada; here they're relegated to a 'Natural products' section in the pharmacy, sold quite expensive in capsules, and people tend to be suspicious of it because a lot of it is snake oil.
It's not that I dislike Valerian; I had to take some myself, because I had a very bad case of insomnia a few years ago. I couldn't really tell whether it was effective, though (in fact, even the chemical medication had only little effect).