Get ready for shitty cars everywhere

[Xeen]

Get ready for your car to crash every day.
Get ready to restart your car every 2 hours.
Get ready for your breaks to lock up for no reason.
Get ready for BSODs on your odometer.
Get ready to abort, retry, and have your car fail.
Get ready for thieves to easily get in your car.
Get ready for weekly trips to your mechanic for critical auto updates.

Because Microsoft is about to give the word "crash" a whole new meaning!

 

quote:First Microsoft set out to put a computer in every home. Now the software giant hopes to put one in every vehicle, too.

"We'd like to have one of our operating systems in every car on Earth," said Dick Brass, vice-president of Microsoft's automotive business unit.

Cars with the Microsoft software will speak up when it's time for an oil change. They'll warn drivers about wrecks on the road ahead and scout alternative routes. They'll pay freeway tolls automatically. The software running their brakes will upgrade itself wirelessly.

It's no joke either: Microsoft Automotive Department

You should cry now. They're using Windows for this too. Windows Automotive

[ April 09, 2004: Message edited by: xeen ]

[The Anti-Microsoft]

Yes, and Windows will even be able to:

i) Take $10,000 from your debit account and send it to M$ (licen$ing fee)
ii) Drive your car into a ditch for no reason
iii) Blow up your car afterwards

[Xeen]

Posted by Pikachu:

 

quote:Let's draw some parallels between winblows XP (x-tra pusbag) and the product which would be produced if Microshit built cars:

They would clain the newest version would start faster, while in reality, all that happens is you can get the key in the ignition sooner. (TRANSLATION: The GUI comes up in an earlier run-level, but you can't actually use it until it finishes booting.)

It would be much faster than any existing car.
(TRANSLATION: As long as you use only gasoline which is on the official Microshit Gasoline Compatability List. In any event you will need to tow a tanker truck, because the new Microshit approved gasoline is very, very bloated.)

It will give itself its own tune-ups!
(However, the parts it replaces are tossed in the trunk and get hopelessly lost. Eventually, after a number of tune-ups, the trunk is full, the front wheels come off of the ground and the car crashes into a tree, requiring re-installation of every part of the car.

WOW, I've never had such a great test-drive!
The car would drive very well for the first few miles, then randomly start crashing into things, with no driver input whatsoever. To make the car operate properly for the next few miles, you would have to get out and simultaneously pull the door handle, open the hood and collapse the antenna. Only then will you be able to restart the car.

It would be equipped with the best tires available.
Unfortunately, by the time the tires are worn out, they are "no longer a supported product". The rim size is obsolete, and besides, why would you want to drive a car that old.....

Now after a few months, there have been so many problems with the Microshit car, the feds are considering a mandatory recall.
Microshit makes the recall unnecessary by "discounting" an "upgrade" car for current owners. The existing problems have been "supressed" (but replaced with a whole host of new ones). The replacement car is the same exact car, with a different paint job.

The process repeats, as now Microshit has "taken care" of its loyal sheep, and they all have a car which is "good enough".

I could go on, but by now if you haven't gotten the point, you never will.

Sound familiar? It should. Think back along the whole Winblows product line. They sell their patches to the sheep as though it was a brand new product!

Edit by moderator: There's no reason to start a new thread about Microsoft making cars an hour after one was already started on the same topic. Thus, I'm moving this post into this thread.

[solarismka]

ok now THATS scary!

[Refalm]

A TVR with a Galileo system or a BMW with a .NET connected MSN auto map-finder with Microsoft gasoline BS.

What would you choose.

[mmx87]

quote:Originally posted by Refalm:
A TVR with a Galileo system or a BMW with a .NET connected MSN auto map-finder with Microsoft gasoline BS.

What would you choose.

Niether, I'd rather damn walk...thank you.  

[black crow]

Reminds me of that part in "2001: A Space Odyssey", where the computer "HAL" picks up a fault in the AE-35 unit (what that unit's function was I can't remember, it's ages since I've seen the film), & it turns out that said unit was in perfect working order.  I won't give too much away for those who haven't seen the film, but if you have, you know the rest.  The similarities are creepy... :-/

(Incidentally, 2001 is very good, if you haven't seen it, I'd recommend it.  It's a long film, but still well worth watching    )

[Refalm]

quote:mmx87: Niether, I'd rather damn walk...thank you.  

I hate cars too, but I was saying "if you had to choose between those two"  :rolleyes:

[Xeen]

[Unforgiven1]

is  there no escape?  why must microsoft attempt to monopolize everything?

[rklesla]

I hate computers in cars.  Cars are pieces of machinery that computers should not take part in, especially from a software company that has been making OS's for 22yrs now and has yet to make a good product.  Except maybe microsoft fax.  Always thought that program was pretty good, simply, and non-complex...

[TheQuirk]

quote:Originally posted by Microsoft's Caretaker:
I hate computers in cars.  Cars are pieces of machinery that computers should not take part in, especially from a software company that has been making OS's for 22yrs now and has yet to make a good product.  Except maybe microsoft fax.  Always thought that program was pretty good, simply, and non-complex...    

Oh, you're perfectly right. I mean, it's SO much easier to create proper ignition timing using magical mechanics.

[rklesla]

Timing wasn't hard to begin with.  Plus cars were alot easier to fix and they didn't record everything you do in the car.

[TheQuirk]

No, that's not true. http://auto.howstuffworks.com/ignition-system4.htm

Older systems used an extra part, the section that "does the job of breaking the current to the coil", and you can bet your hat it caused you to work on your car more frequently.

You don't seem to realize something: mechanics are never "perfect." They always get screwed up in one way or another over time. Electronics minimizes this.

[hm_murdock]

as I believe I've said before,

some of you guys...

1) need to learn about cars

2) blow things way outta proportion

"Microsoft gas"? that's about the STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD.

I have an idea if you don't have anything intelligent to say about MS, don't say it. I'm sick of the same 5 shitty jokes over and over.

I had a windows box running right beside my Macs for months. where are all these BSODs you guys talk about? where are the problems? WHERE ARE THEY?!?!

Where were the virii, where were the worms, where were these things that ALWAYS HAPPEN to Windows?

I'll tell you where they were...

IN YOUR HEAD.

In the even that nobody's noticed, Windows 98 isn't current anymore. We aren't living in the 1990s, the Decade of Mediocrity is over now. We're now in the 2000s, it's now the Decade of Marginal Quality.

Things are improving, and improving, and improving... everything from everybody is better than ever.

I don't think I've seen MS act a fool since the start of the anti-trust trials. They're certainly not doing anything I wouldn't do. I know Red Hat, Inc would do those things if they could, as would Apple.

You know it's true and you know I'm right, just as I always am.